a-spoon-is-born:

crockpotcauldron:

crockpotcauldron:

How come there are so few magical birth control options in fantasy settings?

There is Jewelry Of Contraception, Miscarriage Hex, and Abortion Potion, and that’s it.

But come on, guys, it’s magic. Those are both things we can accomplish in the real world with science.

Why not “as long as this knot remains tied, your pregnancy will not progress any further. The embryo is fine, just frozen in time until you’re ready to become a parent!”

Or “I have turned the baby into a berry. get the father of the baby to eat it, and it’s his problem now”

Or “I’ve hexed your gonads, you won’t have any kids at all ever until you do a favor for a witch, preferably me”

Or “lol, I stole your dick in the middle of the night and put it on my tree with all the other dicks in the village”

Come on, guys, get creative!

man, I was thinking too small. it’s MAGIC, guys

“I have put the baby inside this seed. when you plant the seed, a flower will grow, and your baby will be inside it. your baby might be the size of a mouse, or uh look like a mouse, but hey, we can’t have everything. it can still talk and wear clothes, and those are the important things, right? it’ll save you a ton of cloth over the years, trust me”

“I have sent the baby into the future. the NEXT time either of you has a kid, it will be this baby, regardless of who you have it with. this baby will always be top of the queue until one of you lets it be born.”

“I took your womb, and put it in an eggshell in a duck in a chest in a tree guarded by a dragon at the end of the world. so the next time you get pregnant, it will definitely be on purpose.”

“I turned the baby into a cat. everyone likes kittens, right?”

“the baby isn’t “dead” so much as “turned back into an egg and a splash of jizz.” magic is cool, isn’t it?”

“you will only ever be fertile immediately after you eat turnips. and by immediately, I mean, put a turnip on the nightstand, if you catch my drift.”

“I have donated your fetus to the fetus lottery that witches draw from for infertile couples. it’s, uh, currently in this cauldron. yes this looks like leek and potato soup, but trust me, it’s a fertility potion.”

“here is your baby. a stick. I definitely turned a real human child into a stick, and didn’t give it to the fairies. this stick is for you to keep.”

honestly these r great but none are as weird as Hans My Hedgehog

mrnelson007:

robiguess:

irlgutsygumshoe:

nonbinarymorgana:

princeskull:

gooey-goodra:

chatotai:

“i wish pokemon were real!”

beedrill is three feet tall

yeah but lets be real here if it meant I could live in a world with completely free healthcare and take tours across entire countries on foot with superpowered animal/else companions I would fight a hundred fucking beedrill at once naked with only a butter knife

as i say every time i see this post,

you can catch beedrill and earn the purest fucking love from its little bee heart with a muffin you earn playing a minute of yarn toss

beedrill is not your enemy

Let’s think about life in the Pokemon world for a minute…

First of all, there’s universal free healthcare across the planet. That’s more that a lot of places in our world can say. Moreover, fresh water on this world is apparently so nutrient-rich that it can cure moderate injuries, to say nothing of what berries can do. Therefore, the inhabitants of this world are probably very physically healthy, and those with disabilities (who by default cannot be “healthy”) don’t have to worry about losing their healthcare due to lack of money.

Politics-wise, there isn’t much of a government. Despite this, the world seems relatively peaceful. Private individuals, some as young as eleven, can be expected to deal with crime themselves. War has occurred in the past, but the general political sentiment appears to be very anti-war – cruelty is strongly frowned upon.

Economically, it’s true that there are some people with economic issues – like that one dude in Mauville Hills in ORAS – but generally there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of homelessness or poverty. Some people are more well-off than others – vastly so in some cases – but largely poverty doesn’t seem to exist.

Then there’s the wildlife.

Strange, supernatural creatures of unknown origin and great power populate this planet. An unarmed adult human is no match for even one of these creatures. But the vast majority of the wildlife is extremely friendly to the point where it’s almost all domesticated. Small children are given these creatures as companions and allowed to go out into the open world with them, as they will be safe and able to survive. 

Even the scariest of these monsters can be tamed with love and care. Beedrill will love you if you toss yarn at it, sure. So will things like Gyarados, Hydreigon, and the Pokemon equivalent of Lucifer. No Pokemon is untameable so long as you are kind to it.

This in turn has fostered a culture of kindness. It is infinitely more rewarding to be kind to the living creatures around you. Those who are cruel are quickly steamrollered by those who build up close, loving bonds. Even then, a lot of people are concerned that this society of love and kindness is somehow too cruel (to the point where it was the entire plot of gen V).

That love and kindness is extended to all humans. People trust random strangers who walk into their homes. Items are randomly just given out on the street, often for no reward beyond a warm fuzzy feeling. Almost comical levels of generosity and acceptance are expected on this planet. And if you decide to betray that and take advantage of people…

Well, I hope you like having your ass kicked by an adorable eleven-year-old with a nice hat and a yarn-loving Beedrill.

THIS IS SO NICE

I LOVE THIS POST

fun fact, a myth in the pokemon world (specifically DPP) states that pokemon where worried about humans surviving on there own! so they all spoke about how to look after these squishy notpokemon, and they came up with the idea to be companions and friends.
so whenever a human that’s trustworthy walks into the grass they present themselves, if a human earns there respect in battle they will aid that human as long as they are needed
every pokemon that appears in cave, surfing and tall grass canonically wants to be your friend
also unless you use a master ball if a pokemon does not want to be caught It Can’t Be. it’s only by showing of your skill in battle that a pokemon will want to join you. so even legendaries want to be your friend!! that’s why some legendary Pokemon (usually ones who present themselves to you) have low catch rates! they respect you and understand you can use there skill for good!

edit cause i remembered: this could also be used to explain why traded pokemon can disobey you, you didn’t earn the respect of there actual trainer and so you have to have the right skill level (badges, island challenges) for them to listen and trust you

This whole thing is so pure and way better than “Pokemon is superpowered dogfighting!” or whatever.

froborr:

tinsnip:

Don’t assume malice. Assume ignorance. Life is easier, the world is kinder, and you can educate. Actual malice is pretty rare, I find. 

Always remember Hanlon’s Razor–”Never assume malice when incompetence will suffice as an explanation.”

That’s said, never forget Fred Clark’s Law, either: “Sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.” There’s a certain point at which ignorance becomes malice–at which there is simply no way to become that ignorant except deliberately and maliciously.

solivar:

llllllllucid:

methargicism:

shorthalt:

shorthalt:

not to sound like a baby boomer or some other bullshit but the internet really has given children access to things they absolutely should not see. i just heard my ten year old brother make a daddy joke. this really has to stop.

like i’m not joking. i’m like. just so angry i can’t articulate it right now but i’m so upset, especially with adults/older teenagers who egg children on in making jokes far beyond their age because they think it’s funny.

Not only that, but they look up their favorite shows and see porn of their favorite characters

^ This point is crucial. This is not as simply avoided as “don’t like don’t read/watch” disclaimers advise and there is not adequate safeguarding against children accessing sexually explicit material even so much as third-party websites that require a user to agree that they are over the age of 18.

~ * WHICH IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF PARENTS. * ~

Not J-Random-Person-On-Tumblr-or-Ao3-or-YouTube. The child’s parents.

And I am saying this as a) a parent involved in assorted fandoms with b) two children of various ages who are c) also involved in assorted age-appropriate fannish activities. We fan together. I critique and edit my eldest son’s Transformers/Loud House fanfic. I help my youngest son design some of his Pixel-stuff skins. We decided mutually which YouTubers they were allowed to watch. We play games together, read many of the same comics, buy each other Funko Pops and Nerf weapons, squee over many of the same fannish things – not all, but many, because I have grown up things that I’m interested in and they have not-grown-up-things that they’re interested in and there the twain does not meet. Because I’m their mother and it’s my responsibility to monitor what they get into and up to online as much as it’s my responsibility to make sure they don’t play in the middle of a four-way highway.

It is not the responsibility of random strangers on the internet to monitor your child’s online activities. It’s just not. And it’s not even remotely reasonable to expect them to do so.

Parental content filters are a thing. Use them. Don’t buy your children M-Rated video games and then clutch your pearls about it. Pay attention to what they’re reading, drawing, watching, and doing online. This is literally your job as a parent.

And also? Don’t act like someone else is doing something wrong by being an adult on the internet. Because they’re not and behaving like an adult in adult-oriented fandom spaces is only to be expected. 18+ Only warnings exist for a reason. M-Ratings exist for a reason. Do Not Interact If You’re A Minor warnings exist for a reason. And it’s not the fault of the adults who employ them properly if a minor chooses to ignore them. That child’s parents should be monitoring their activities and teaching them to respect those boundaries.

sodomymcscurvylegs:

allthesebees:

broodingsoul:

dinosaurseatyourpeas:

thickneyspears:

mentakill:

thegreatgodess:

celtyradfem:

cocksmasher69:

wildbillnye:

ufowiki:

woman: *talks about equality in any way*

men every time: so i can hit you, right? i can beat the absolute shit out of you? it’s equality 🙂

Men =/= Women

Women can have equal social standing when they make an equal contribution and half of our infantry are women.

William. You are so brave for talking shit when you look like this. How many layers of inbred are you? Is your family tree more like a family donut? I can see that you tried with that hairstyle, but you shouldn’t have. You see, Billy Bob, you can’t just take the shavings from your head and sprinkle them on your top lip and call that a mustache. That hairline is trying to run away from your bad opinions. Your eyebrows aren’t even on speaking terms. Every level of your development as a human has been another mistake. And here you sit, on your porn blog, explaining to human women why we can’t be equal until we’re half of the infantry… are you? I find that really hard to believe. Is that what you think makes a person worthwhile? Being a meat shield? Cleetus, if that’s all you aspire to, I’m so sorry. Look at those shoulders. You wouldn’t even be a good meat shield, because someone could shoot at you point blank and still miss

What contribution have you made to society? The largest cumsock collection in all of Alabama? Most Cousins Fucked 2k15? How many confederate flags do you own, exactly?

Billy bob. No one wants to be equal to you. We can do so much better than that.

Every line had me screaming

💣💣💣

She went in and didn’t hold back anything she just straight up murdered every bit of him