remember the wayside school books those were fucked up
remember that one chapter where a new student came to the class and was wearing like 10 different raincoats and the teacher kept making him take off the raincoats one by one until they got down to the final layer and it was just a dead rat
some other truly exceptional Wayside moments:
-Paul keeps pulling Leslie’s pigtails so he gets sent to the counsellor’s office. The counsellor is a hypnotist named Doctor Pickell, and he hypnotizes Paul into thinking Leslie’s pigtails are snakes. Because he’s a troll, he also hypnotizes Paul into believing Leslie’s ears are delicious candy whenever Leslie says the word “pencil”.
-The class is taken over by the son of hated ex-teacher Mrs. Gorf. Because they killed his mom he uses his superpower of stealing people’s voices to steal their voices and call their parents to say how much each individual student hates their family. The students are forced to listen in silence, crying. (They are saved by the cafeteria lady.)
-Benjamin is too nervous and awkward to correct Mrs Jewls when she gets his name wrong, so he goes by “Mark Miller” for months. He finally says his real name to a substitute teacher. Everyone thinks it’s a great prank and also go by Benjamin for the whole day, including the teacher.
-Louis the yard teacher falls in love with substitute teacher Miss Nogard. She has a third ear on top of her head that allows her to listen to people’s thoughts.
-Joe is the only student to order the potato salad one day. The face he draws in it looks like Mrs. Gorf and she nearly turns Joe into an apple.
-Because Wayside School is 30 stories high, they installed elevators. One only went up and the other only went down, so they got used once and never again.
-Allison gets stuck on the 19th story, which doesn’t exist. Nobody else can see, hear, or remember her. The 19th chapter is three chapters long.
My favorite genre of children’s story is “This would be horror if the characters were adults”
WOW i forgot about these until now and now its so vivid
Ladies and Gentlemen, you might want to take off your trousers and slip into a bathrobe because things are about to get pretty steamy in here.
I’m beyond excited to officially unveil for you the beautiful cover of my upcoming book, “Strangers Assume My Girlfriend Is My Nurse!”
I’m sure many of you temporarily lost consciousness when your eyes fell upon the sheer sexiness of my girlfriend, Hannah, and I posing in such a sultry position, so I’ll give you a minute to regain your strength before I continue. I hope you’ll wipe up your drool and keep reading because I have a few very important things to say about this book.
My name is Shane Burcaw, and I was born with a lovely muscle-wasting disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. I’m working really hard to use my time on this earth to create a positive, lasting impact. Specifically, my goal is to change the way society looks at disability. This book is the next step in that journey.
One of the biggest stigmas about people with disabilities is that we are incapable and unworthy of romantic relationships. To give you an example, I run a YouTube channel with Hannah, and every time we post a new episode, people inevitably comment with theories as to why on earth we are dating. Here are just a few of my favorites:
“Don’t get me wrong – he seems like a good dude – but I ain’t buying it. She’s either his nurse or good friend and this is an act, or she’s got a couple screws loose.”
“Ask yourself, would you date him? NO, YOU WOULDN’T. What is the catch here?”
“This [relationship] is abnormal and frankly disgusting.”
Aren’t these fun? Jokes aside, this is but a small indication of the vast and innumerable ways that people with disabilities are discriminated against on a daily basis. I am determined to change that situation.
My strategy is humor. In “Strangers Assume My Girlfriend Is My Nurse” I use funny stories from my life to show readers that using a wheelchair is not some horrid, depressing existence. I’m a person, and my disability should not invoke pity or aversion, but rather, respect and love and kindness, just like we all deserve.
If you personally support that idea, please please please consider sharing this post. My ability to make a difference in this world is solely hinged upon spreading my story to as many people as possible, and YOU hold that power for me!
In celebration of my new book, and to raise funds for my nonprofit organization (which teaches children across the country about disability awareness and pride), I am hosting a HUGE online event scheduled for 8pm EST on November 27th. Entertainment will include a reading from “Strangers Assume”, an open Q&A where you can ask me anything you’d like, never-before-heard stories, and other special surprises! Your ticket purchase will help us provide adaptive technology to individuals living with muscular dystrophy in December 2018.
Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to share this exciting news. Below are all the important links you need regarding my new book and the live event on Nov 27th.
Update: The castle as of April 2015 is actually only around $1,300,000 USD now due to the currency exchange rates! 😀
this goes even further, some European countries will give you a castle for free if you submit a plan stating how you intend to restore or preserve it. Italy alone for example has somewhere between 100 and 300 castles they intend to give away to anyone with intent to be a caretaker, they literally cant keep track of how many discount castles are up for grabs
it doesn’t even have to be an ambitious plan, even if it says you just intend to keep it from becoming more shitty and will occasionally add a few bricks when you can afford it. given that most of them come with land you could convert the grounds to actually produce enough income to pay for the repairs- like setting up apple trees and brewing cider you sell with your castle name on the bottle, or raising some goats for cheese, a hobby farm could turn this into an actual income opportunity. hell, throwing parties at the castle could make it an income opportunity
they will literally –GIVE– you a castle to make sure someone is taking care of it rather then let them all sit empty
Pointless LOTR headcanon of the day: Frodo & Merry both take after their mothers, meaning Frodo looks more like a Brandybuck than a Baggins and Merry looks more like a Took. This is a constant source of petty contention.
(Pippin meanwhile absolutely takes after his father & is the most Tookish looking)
Merry: call me a Took one more time
Gandalf: if it looks like a Took and acts like a Took it’s a Took
Merry: I will END you
Gandalf is the only nonhobbit in the fellowship who understands the minutiae of Took Vs Brandybuck Vs Baggins rivalry & he delights in it, everyone else baffled
Frodo: look it’s perfectly simple. The Brandybucks don’t like the Tooks because they play golf and think they’re better than everyone because they occasionally go on adventures. The Tooks don’t like the Brandybucks because they live on the wrong side of the river and like boats. And nobody likes the Bagginses because they’re annoying.
Aragorn: are you… Including yourself in that
Frodo: I said what I said.
Frodo: now the Bagginses don’t like the Brandybucks OR the Tooks because they’re highly disrepectable but also richer than they are. And as far as a lot of the Bagginses are concerned I’m a Brandybuck because I grew up in Buckland and I have the Brandybuck Profile
Merry: which just means he’s not pug-ugly
Frodo: quite.
Aragorn: this is all ridiculous. Keep going.
Gandalf: Hm now I wouldn’t say UGLY but… every Baggins I’ve ever met has been perfectly Round or perfectly Square… There is no middle ground.
Gimli, baffled: Frodo isn’t round OR square
Merry: that’s because he has the Brandybuck profile
Gimli: so… Is he a Brandybuck…
Merry: ABSOLUTE not
Frodo: slander!! I’m a Baggins how dare you
Pippin: was your father a Round Baggins or a Square Baggins
Frodo: my father… Was the ROUNDEST Baggins who ever lived… A perfect Sphere of hobbit…
literally how hard would it have been for jkr to say something like “listen I was writing it in the 90s, I was inexperienced, I was writing from my own point of view, I didn’t realise how underrepresented a lot of people are, I wasn’t thinking about anything other than the plot, I accept that it’s a little sparse on the diversity front, I can try to be more self aware with my future works” etc etc instead of.. this nonsense
Artisan Scribbles 